Drink more tea

By Jordan Cust

Everything can be fixed by a cup to tea. Not by hot chocolate, not by coffee, not by liquor. Tea. With maybe a touch of liquor. Depending on the tea and the depth of the situation. It’s a situationally dependent decision. Duh. With or without booze, though, people should drink more tea.

Now, some people are finicky when it comes to tea. Why? Again, situationally dependent. Maybe they think it’s a weak drink. However, didn’t a certain militia dump a bunch of tea in a harbor to protest higher tariffs? That right there should be enough to debunk tea as a weak drink. Although, it’s possible that when someone says “weak” they’re referring to the flavor and body of the cuppa’ as opposed to military strength…

Either way, tea isn’t weak. Just brew it longer. There are loads of neat little infographics all over the internet with proper steeping times and temperatures. Boxed teas generally have very clear instructions on how to brew that particular sachet. If you have a local tea shop, stop by, support a local business, and learn about the ideal brewing and steeping conditions.

And, as that tea brews, stick your face in it. Let the steam spiralling up from the mug or thermos or karaff wash over your skin and open up your pores. Let the scent of the brew seep into your system. Let it take over that brain sitting in your skull.

Tea is good. Tea is your friend. Tea will solve world hunger.

Well, maybe not world hunger. Test results aren’t in on that yet, but world leaders are hopeful. Except Putin. Putin probably doesn’t drink tea, though. He may or may not survive on a radioactive sludge that’s harvested from the bowels of Chernobyl. This isn’t confirmed information. Yet.

Putin and his radioactive sustenance aside, tea can do a lot. Green tea, according to thirdage.com, can do anything from reduce the risk of cancer to curb appetites and boost metabolism. It’s a super tea.

The University of Maryland Medical Center has studied green tea and its place in the medical world. According to the UMMC website, green tea can be used as a supplement to counteract drowsiness experienced from certain medications. The site also discusses how green tea can help lower cholesterol, prevent coronary artery disease, and control blood sugar levels.

There have also been several articles published on green tea aiding in weight loss. As mentioned above, green tea can satiate an appetite as well as give someone’s metabolism a kick in the pants. Combine these two, along with clean eating and exercise, and the pounds could just slip right off.

That’s not even half the list of benefits seen from consuming brewed green tea or green tea supplements. And that’s only one variety of tea; that’s what’s so great about tea.

Tea, like coffee and other drinks, comes in what seems to be an endless variety. There are nine distinct green varieties from China, and seven distinct varieties from Japan. Hear that? Sixteen distinct varieties of a single type of tea from just two countries. There’s a green tea for everyone.

Then there are the other teas. Along with green tea, you have black, oolong, rooibos, and white and all of their variants. There are herbal teas, too, which aren’t technically teas but tisanes. According to globaltea.org, the defining difference is tea has caffeine, and tisanes are caffeine free. Tea or tisane, they are both brewed, and they are both problem solvers.

Tea and tisanes are so varied that it’s most definitely the glue that will bring everyone together. College seniors stressed about graduation? Spread out the various tea bags supplied by the elves that stock the campus cafe and sip. Grandparents worried that their grandchildren aren’t being spoiled enough? Poke into the cupboard during book club and find the novelty blooming tea nuts that materialized a month ago and ponder. Philosophers trying to make their ideas meld fluidly, even though half of said philosophers may not exist? Grab some loose leaf and put on the kettle for a cuppa’ and pontificate.

So, no, some teas aren’t as legitimately superpowered as green tea. We can’t all be valedictorian. However, when brewed properly and not slaughtered with sugar or cream, tea and can be a calming, welcoming, argument-ending liquid. And, you know what? If tea is more appealing when it’s filled with refined sugars and whipping cream, drink it that way. Tea doesn’t care. Tea just wants to soothe the weary soul.

Just don’t be a Putin. Don’t enjoy a mug of tea laced with radioactive sludge. Do drink more tea, don’t be Putin. Are we clear? Drink that tea and enjoy it. Maybe with a touch of bourbon. Maybe.

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